Ella J. Black

I'm sorry, this is going to sound rude but, did you even edit at all? :oops: I couldn't find anything different, but I did find a two things that I ...

Everyone is tired and hyped up on sugar, but no, we still have to get up before the sun does and get on the smelly bus to the torture chamber ...

Personally, I don't believe this should be the beginning. I found it plain, and it just seemed like you were throwing me into a random situation, expecting me to piece ...

It was cute, but reminded me eerily of 'Lord of the Rings'... not exactly sure why though. Anyway, I found it was quite well written [even if I was a ...

That was... wow. I'm at a loss for words right now. You have an amazing talent for description, and your characters actually seem very real. The only downside was that ...

Good description [a few random spelling mistakes though :)] and it moves semi-well. You need to work on your pacing a bit, but a bit of re-reading should take care ...

Absolutely beautiful! :D You have a really interesting piece here, and I loved how you started with the beggar in the beginning and ended with him as well. It gives ...

Excellent beginning but it started to confuse me in the middle and near the end. The only thing I could tell you is to re-read. Don't just re-read after you ...